ROLB: Every Girl Gets Drunk And Lays On A Speed Bump

It was whore business as usual on last night’s Rock of Love Bang Bus. Kelsey, Ashley and Farrah got “shit your pants” wasted in the ultra-classy VIP section at Bret’s show.

Honestly, that section consisted of just a rent-a-center sofa with a broke ass Kinkos-made banner hanging over it. But those whores didn’t know the difference. They probably thought they were in Europe, because that shit was so refined and classy. It was obviously too elegant for Kesley and Farrah, because those whores got kicked the fuck out for smearing their skankness all over the joint. Basically, they were too drunk according to Big John. Yeah, too drunk! This boggles my mind, because I’m pretty sure the Rock of Love Bang Bus runs on booze-filled fumes coming out of their snatches. It’s green like that.

After Kelsey got kicked the hell out, she she had a meltdown and collapsed on a speed bump in the parking lot where she cried for about an hour. Kelsey later waved that fuckery off and said a lot of girls have probably passed out on a speed bump. Au contraire! A lot of DUMB girls maybe. Why the fuck would you pass out on a speed bump? Think about it.

Say you’re passed out on a speed bump and some bitch who isn’t paying attention drives over you. Bitch is just going to look out his window really quick and see the speed bump. He’s going to shrug it off and go on his way. That leaves you laying there, with your guts spilling out and all the booze leaking out of your system. There goes your buzz.

A drunk whore with brains will pass out in the middle of the street far away from a speed bump. That way if a bitch runs over you, they will look to the side, see no speed bump, get out of the car and investigate. They will call you an ambulance and a doctor at the hospital can patch you back up, so the booze doesn’t leak out. Buzz saved! Seriously, Kelsey doesn’t know shit!

This week’s episode would not be complete without an Ashleyism: “People who eat basil are lame!” Bitch wouldn’t think basil was lame if it was dipped in Red Rooster 21 and wrapped around a hard cock. In addition to give her thoughts on basil, Ashley also tried to cook a microwaveable dinner. I can’t wait for Chef Ashley’s show on the Food Network. Clip below:

Charles Barkley to Jail for Five Turrible Days
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Posted By Spencer Hall 10:50 AM

Charles Barkley will have to serve somewhere between five-to-ten days in jail for his DUI arrest in Arizona. It’s a five day sentence if Barkley attends an alcohol education course, which a sane person would do, but this is Charles, who says he has no alcohol problem. (Alcoholics usually don’t have a problem with alcohol. In fact, they’d like some right now, please.)

This will undoubtedly place a serious strain on Arizona’s already overtaxed prison system, particularly in the food budget if Charles decides to eat. Let’s play the part of optimistic economist, though: there are upsides to going to jail for Mr. Barkley.

1. Street cred. Spending time behind bars gives you a needed bump in your rogue’s ranking, and will undoubtedly boost Barkley’s points, especially if his publicist leaks a story of Barkley beating the daylights out of someone on his first day behind the wall. Getting a teardrop tattoo would be going a bit far, though.

2. Weight loss. Barkley’s ballooning waistline could stand a good shearing at the hands of dismal prison food and jailyard workouts. He can take advantage of the time to hit the gym, avoid eating altogether, and get into slightly better shape. Prison: it’s like Boot Camp class at your gym, except without the techno soundtrack and with an enforced diet plan whether you like it or not.

3. Comedy potential. If Kenny Smith and the TNT photoshop crew don’t have numerous gags set up for this, then sports’ most improvisational show is truly slipping. I’m not suggesting you put it up in the 9 o’clock hour, but if there’s no appearance of Barkley’s head in a scene from The Shawshank Redemption around midnight, I demand a refund.

Courtesy of SportingNews.com

TMZ UPDATE****

UPDATE — Sheriff Arpaio tells TMZ Barkley has been given work release — meaning he only has to be in jail from 8:00 PM to 6:00 AM. But if Chuck violates even one rule, Arpaio will revoke his work release.  Nice pic below

This little interview of Blohan on Oscar night reminds me of conversations I’ve had with bitches riding high on the Colombia Express. Seriously, I’m waiting for Candy Finnigan from Intervention to pop up in the back with a plane ticket. Bitch has got the white shit jitters.

Blohan talked to E! about all the EXCITING projects she’s working on (aka all the stupid ideas she came up with while holding a meeting around a mirror on a coffee table). Blohan is working on a spray tan for Sephora and a diamond line. That diamond she’s wearing is made out of coke, right? Just cut and snort. It’s kind of genius. And her spray tan is also going to be mixed with computer duster so you can really look like you have walked on sunshine. Also genius.

Blohan also showed off her matching “shhhh…” tattoo she got on her finger with Lily Allen. She said it’s a “female empowerment thing.” No. it’s a “dumb fuck cokehead thing.”

And here’s some “Feed the Junkie” photos of Blohan taken by Hedi Slimane. This skeezy ass photo shoot looks like it was payment for an 8-ball. Candy Finnigan, please come get this skank!

Courtesy of DListed.com

Don’t get me wrong, I have a sense of humor, a fucked up sense of humor by far…and am not offended by much….while I wasn’t really offended by this cartoon, not totally sure how they could think that two clean cut white cops in a cartoon shooting a chimp and then essentially talking about Obama in the caption would possibly go over well. I understand that Rupert himself didn’t write the article, nor that the article was meant to be racist….but to the dude, Mr. Delonas, who drew up the cartoon, use your fuckin’ brain bro.

committing an act or acts that alienates one from their social scene or social circle

to kill one’s social life

John committed social suicide by asking out his ex-girlfriends best friend barely a week after they broke up.

when you do something bad or dumb that effects your social standing

did you hear? he got drunk and did stuff with that really fat chick. yeah hes crazy, that’s social suicide.

You get the drift…at least I hope you do. I guess if you happen to be written into this blog, you might want
to check yourself.

Pure Evil….